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Laane's blog
life flies
It's not time that flies, but life.
And right now it's flying through a rather polluted area with just a few rays of sun.
It feels like being at the end of a stretched arm, reaching for something better. I don't even what.
And on the other arm people are pulling an pulling, together with all those feelings that belong to life and shouldn't. Grief, guilt, haste, worry, longing, pity.
There is the schooldirector of one of the twingirls.
He wrote a letter, demonstating he can.(!)
Telling that she'll have another teacher next year. Finally!
A trap was built in the letter: we had to come to school, within about 30 hours, meaning about 5 hours of school.
So he got a letter back.
I'm getting better at it: saying what I mean without thinking too much.
It comes right from the heart, and the heart is mine. So who can argue?
Time will tell if he can.
There is the autistic son. Not understanding teasing he got very angry and I was called.
For the first time in ages I was not held responsible, but was treated as a minor expert: maybe I knew what to do.
I asked the school to support my request for therapy. Within two days I had the best of letters, and within a week my son was on the waitinglist.....
The other one, the AD(H)D one who has severe learning problems, among them dyslexia, had to appply for a school for special education.
It was a long talk. They had over 20 applications for at the moment 2 places.
Kindly they took time to balance facts and expectancies and helped us to choose another school. In case....
Turned out he is now number 1 at the waitinglist.
How about spending time for nothing?
Contacted the school. Called and called over again.
None called back.
Wrote a letter, none replied.....
They have to teach our children how to behave???
But what can I say?
Did I fail myself when I was lied to be the oldest boy who told me he had only a couple of hours of school, whereas he was supposed to be present from 9 to 4?
And where failed my instruction when he showed absolutely no feelings at all when he was confronted? I taught them all how to behave. Told them the right and wrongs, and lived it right in front of their noses, even when they were still in the dripping fase.
I have the paperwork here, right beside me. 30 pages of questions about him to paint a picture to someone from the psychiatry department. Within a week I'll be able to put a date in my agenda to go with him for assessment.
Apart from ADD he'll turn out more or less autistic.
I'm beyond the stages of protecting him.
I started doing so when school handled autistic children with putting them in the back of the classroom. Over and over I weighed the benefits and costs of assessment..... he jumped on the scale himself.....
I shouldn't have married the silent boy. Should have handed him over to the girl who almost stalked him in a too wide T-shirt and gardentrousers. Her breasts pushing everywhere to come out and show themselves at the same time as she did.
She wanted me out of his life.... I thought I had a will of my own.
So I got children and found myself from being a mother to become their teacher and full time therapist.
Found myself standing in the middle of the road and when I looked I was standing in the bare dessert.
The husband is just another member of the autistic crew. With growing age it showed more and more.
And the other son?
He screwed up the whole weekend because he wanted to have his own way, and just didn't get it.
He's not able to see what's right in front of him:
someone struggling to see the little surprises and pleasured of life, while wanting far more out of time than life has to offer.
I want an arm around my shoulder, a friend, a blink of an eye. I want to travel, make movies and sing in a band.
Instead I sing my own song of life in silence, whispering a few words on paper now and then, and dream.....
If life flies, why not I?
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said...
what a way with words you have Imbi..can feel them through the paper and the miles...
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